How many times do you find yourself in this social (or business) situation? You are standing in a covey of people immersed in a rolling conversation when all at once you realize that you don’t know the names of some of the people you are talking to. There is a queasy feeling of awkwardness rising in your chest and you don’t know how to correct the situation so you ride the roll through to the inevitable conclusion, parting ways without ever knowing who was who. There is an old saying — referring to a gathering in a private house — that says “The roof constitutes an introduction,” meaning you shouldn’t introduce people in a private home. This is predicated on the assumption that the host has done his job and anyone under his roof should already be introduced to one another. This old rule was accepted in the days before the transportation revolution and familial displacement sent us all scurrying and gathering into far flung places. When your mothers were old acquaintances and all families and friends were well-known in a small community, this rule held true, and so it goes today. But we are a long way from cozy community living. We are citizens or the world. Let us always introduce ourselves.

In today’s hurly burly society one must pay extra attention to the small civilities. In the course of a conversation, it is never too late to say your name. But let’s be clear. You should say your name at the outset and expect the same courtesy of those you are meeting. It is always annoying — not to mention ill-mannered — to introduce one person to another without saying both or more of the parties’ names. And that should be first and last names, mind you. This lapse is yet another casualty of the modern age when we neglect to say someone’s first and last name, or worse mumble incoherently over the din in a crowded room. I know what you are thinking, but what if I don’t know their last name when I make the introduction? Let me be clear. It is not rude to ask someone their last name. Get this out of the way right at the beginning. If you’ve been introduced before and you’ve forgotten this is not a crime to ask again. Just don’t make a habit of it. To habitually forget someone’s name, first or last, is the height of incivility, the depth of laziness and in the end, just plain rude.

On the other hand, you should always remind people of your own name and even volunteer a little history of when you met. “I am Robert Hightower. We met at the Wilson’s Christmas Party.” This will assuage any awkwardness brewing inside the person you are greeting. And this person, in kind, should respond, “Of course I remember, Robert. It is so good to see you again.” No matter if this is true or not. The point of good manners is to make people feel at ease. Generosity is always the first rule of the day.

In greeting and introductions, here are some golden rules to live by:

Always say “How do you do?” or “It’s great to see you.” Never say “It’s nice to meet you,” unless you are absolutely positive you have never met before. In fact, you should simply remove this phrase from your social repertoire altogether and always say “It’s nice to see you.”

Never say “Do you remember me?” This puts the other person in the awkward position of saying “No.”

Never announce a person’s vocation in a social introduction. In business, the opposite is true. If the gathering is business and social, then by all means include the vocation.

Finally, never put someone on pause that has come up to you to say hello. If you are so engrossed in a story with Helen Highwater that you feel compelled to ask Jasper Jones to hold while you finish, you should remove Mrs. Highwater to a private room — or go outside — so as not to be interrupted. Or better yet, call her the next day. Put yourself on pause, never Mr. Jones. This incident is far too common and exceedingly rude. On the other hand, Jasper Jones should not interrupt someone who is obviously engrossed in deep, gesticulating conversation. Although gesticulating conversation has no place at a drinks party, some people do engage in such. SP says keep it light and always be open to widening your circle. Isn’t this why you attend these things in the first place?

www.SocialPrimer.Com

With the death of Paul Newman last September, the longest-lasting marriage between two working actors came to an end. Joanne Woodward now joins fellow actresses Ruby Dee and Nancy Reagan as widows after 50-plus years of marriage to a fellow Screen Actors Guild member. By our reckoning, Paula Prentiss and Richard Benjamin now take the lead for longest enduring dual-actor marriage and will celebrate their 48th anniversary in October.

And while it’s hard for any marriage to endure, throw in oversized egos, oversized emotions, and ample opportunities for indiscretion and you’ve got a recipe for divorce. To calculate the chances of whether a marriage between two actors would end in divorce, I compiled a list. It’s not scientific or complete, but I sure clicked around a lot. (All information is from the Internet Movie Database.)

Based on the data collected below, only about one in three dual-SAG marriages will make it to their 10th anniversary.

You might wonder about some omissions—like where’s Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones? They’ve only been married eight years. Or what about Billy Baldwin and Chynna Phillips? Phillips is no longer a working actor. Please feel free to comment on any couples that I may have overlooked or misrepresented.

HOLLYWOOD MARRIAGES BETWEEN TWO WORKING ACTORS THAT SUCCEEDED

OVER 50 YEARS:

Paul Newman** and Joanne Woodward ♥ Rudy Dee and Ossie Davis** ♥ Nancy Davis Reagan and Ronald Reagan**.

OVER 40 YEARS:

Paula Prentiss and Richard Benjamin ♥ Olympia Dukakis and Louis Zorich.

OVER 20 YEARS:

Michael J. Fox and Tracy Pollen ♥ Michael Tucker and Jill Eikenberry ♥ Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman ♥ Shelley Fabares and Mike Farrell ♥ Juliet Mills and Max Caulfield ♥ Kathryn Grody and Mandy Patinkin ♥ Alfred Molina and Jill Gascoine ♥ Katharine Ross and Sam Elliott ♥ Hal Holbrook* and Dixie Carter* ♥ Ian McShane* and Gwen Humble ♥ Christopher Guest and Jamie Lee Curtis ♥ Madeline Stowe and Brian Benben ♥ Stephen Collins and Faye Grant ♥ Joan Plowright and Laurence Olivier** ♥ Donna Dixon and Dan Aykroyd ♥ Rip Torn* and Geraldine Page** ♥ Jeremy Irons and Sinead Cusack ♥ Gary Sinise and Moira Harris ♥ Ken Olin and Patricia Wettig ♥ Jack Gill and Morgan Brittany ♥ Amy Madigan and Ed Harris ♥ Judi Dench and Michael Williams** ♥ Rachel Ward and Bryan Brown ♥ Katherine Borowitz and John Turturro ♥ Lucie Arnez and Laurence Luckinbill* ♥ Mark Harmon and Pam Dawber ♥ Corbin Bernson and Amanda Pays ♥ Kevin Kline and Phoebe Cates ♥ Linden Ashby and Susan Walters ♥ Matthew Cowles and Christine Baranski ♥ Jennifer Saunders and Adrian Edmondson ♥ Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick ♥ Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson ♥ Judy Davis and Colin Friels***

OVER 10 YEARS:

Brooke Adams and Tony Shalhoub ♥ Delta Burke and Gerald McRaney ♥ Dylan Baker and Becky Ann Baker ♥ Jill St. John and Robert Wagner ♥ Kirk Cameron and Chelsea Noble ♥ Warren Beatty and Annette Bening ♥ John Travolta and Kelly Preston* ♥ Bradley Whitford and Jane Kaczmarek ♥ Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen* ♥ Jada Pinkett and Will Smith ♥ Esther Williams* and Edward Bell ♥ James Keach and Jane Seymour ♥ David Duchovny and Tea Leoni (separated) ♥ Kathleen Quinlan and Bruce Abbott* ♥ Nia Vardalos and Ian Gomez ♥ Melissa Gilbert* and Bruce Boxleitner ♥ Bodhi Elfman and Jenna Elfman ♥ Harry Hamlin* and Lisa Rinna ♥ Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy ♥ Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith* ♥ Liam Neeson and Natasha Richardson** ♥ Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick ♥

Vanity Fair.Com

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